OK, fair warning; this post is weird! But I only accept responsibility for 40% of the weirdness. Let me start at the beginning…I was cruising Asheville Craigslist, and after looking at Pets, Missed Connections, and Free, I checked out Farm & Garden to look at pictures of horses. I came upon a post titled “Antique Human Saddle.” In case the post link no longer works, here is what the post said:
“I have an antique human saddle for sale that has been in my family for three generations. It is genuine leather and in pretty good shape, except for one small stain that’s probably raspberry jam. I know this sounds really weird, but this saddle is only forr use on humans, and specifically, human women. It won’t fit on a horse, but you might be able to get it on a goat – I wouldn’t recommend riding a goat, though. It was designed for someone who wants to safely ride a woman like a horse, and the straps are designed to work around a lady’s boobs so as not to cause discomfort. Also, this is definitely for larger women – I can’t guarantee it working on anyone under 5’5” and 160 lbs. I know my poppy tried on his second wife, but she was a slight thing, and the saddle (with poppy on it!) fell off and he got a pretty nasty concussion. I have to sell it after my wife blew out her knee at a softball game last July – she just can’t take the strain anymore.
I’m asking 250 because it’s real leather, it’s pretty old, and there’s some curiosity value to it. I will also listen to interesting trades, but I won’t take anything weird or gross! I know there’s a lot of pervs on craigslist that think this is probably something sexual, but I promise you, this is just a family tradition, like playing football on Thanksgiving.
Thanks for looking!
??!?!!!&^%!&^%#!??????!! I had no idea if this person was really funny or REALLY freaky, but I knew that some detective work had to be done. So, I donned an equally freaky alter-ego, and replied to the post with the following email:
I am potentially interested in this human saddle. I was wondering if you think it might also fit on a male. My husband is a fairly large man, so I think it would fit. He also has man-boobs because of his size, so he would appreciate the special straps.
I love horseback riding, but I find it to be an expensive hobby. This way I can practice my riding skills on my husband. Also, the exercise would be good for him. Do you also have any knee pads for sale? Do you have any goats for sale in case my husband gets too tired? I only have $150 cash to spend, but I would be willing to trade. Please consider these items and let me know if you would trade for any:
-Beautifully taxidermied and rare stuffed half-bear half-pelican.
-Vintage 1970’s gold and leopard-print spandex jumpsuit (men’s size small)
-An antique painting (16×20) of what appears to be the first ever documented naked three-legged race in a gorgeous gold frame. Certificate of authenticity can be provided.
As of now, I am awaiting a reply in a scared yet intrigued way. What are your thoughts? Is this person crazy? Am I crazy? Are you all going to stop reading my blog now that I’ve admitted my participation in this madness?