Today Jared (my boyfriend), Bonnie (our dog), and I took a fun trip to the river near Warren Wilson College. We found a great spot to swim, play Frisbee, eat a picnic, and sunbathe. Then we left.
Me and Jared swimming and Bonnie playing with her frisbee (please note that this is a river, not a pool)
Apparently, we were followed by the Warren Wilson police. We were so relaxed and happy, that we did not even notice them until we were being pulled over near the red light in Candler. The cop, acting really nervous, made Jared put his hands up before he would come near the window. He told us to pull over after we made the next left. I was starting to get confused.
When we pulled in to the empty parking lot, 4 cop cars with blue lights blazing pulled in behind us. They made me get out of the car first. This was especially embarrassing because we were by a busy road and I was wearing only my bikini (covered with tiny hearts) and a towel (covered in goldfish) around my waist.
The cops pulled me aside and started saying things like, “We can help you. Just be honest with us. Is there anything you’d like to tell us? Anything about a felony? Is that your car? How long have you owned it? Have any felonies been committed with that car that you know of?”
I’m sure I had the most confused look on my face. Like the look my dog gets when you keep telling her a command that she doesn’t understand, so she just looks back and forth and gets worried. Then one cop said I should get in the front seat of his car. I figured that it was fine as long as I didn’t have to get in the back of the cop car. Also, I didn’t like standing by the side of the road in my bikini.
Inside the car, the cop asked me if I had been at the pool. I thought he was confused because of the swimsuit, so I told him that no, we had been at the river. Then he finally told me what was going on.
“Someone reported that you and your boyfriend had looked through someone’s purse and stolen ID’s and cards out of it.”
At that point, I started bawling and said “I’ve never stolen anything in my life! Please search my car. Please! We weren’t even near any other people! Search my car!” I’m not sure if this was the correct thing to do, but I’m a crier, and it could not be helped.
They then made me go sit on the hood of the car facing away from everything and proceeded to interview Jared. Apparently they even brought up some bad grades he made in high school. After looking up his ID, this fun ensued:
“Are you sure it’s not Jareel?”
“Yes, it’s Jared.”
After that, they gave him a chance to save the day and be a gentleman by turning himself in and admitting that I had nothing to do with it. Which would have been nice of him if he actually had anything to which he could confess.
I could feel the car shaking and bouncing as they searched all its nooks and crannies. They seemed to be very thorough, and I feel a bit bad for them because it smelled like wet dog, and who knows what is lurking beneath those seats.
Obviously, they found nothing in the car. One cop tried to pet Bonnie, but she backed away from him (and Bonnie loves everyone). The cop said, “Someone reported that at the Warren Wilson pool–”
“Warren Wilson has a pool?” I asked.
Then Jared came up.
The cop continued, “Someone reported that two people with auburn hair, a rainbow towel, and a gold car stole from a purse at the Warren Wilson pool.”
“Warren Wilson has a pool?” Jared asked.
“Yes, well, thank you for cooperating and you are free to go.”
My car is gold, but I wouldn’t really describe our hair as auburn or my towel as rainbow. And I am most definitely sure that the river is not a pool.